advice, domestic violence, feminism, feminist, GBV, gender, misogyny, personal, postfeminism, rape, sexism, strenght, Uncategorized, violence, Violence Against Women, women

#WhenIWas

Laura Bates’ phenomenal and eye-opening Everyday Sexism Project first hit the web in 2012 as a new kind of digital-based consciousness raising project, where women were actively encouraged to discuss and analyze their own experiences with sexism and misogyny.

 

Starting the website, Bates’ original hope was to acquire at least 100 stories but quickly became an international forum for women’s rights, their experiences of oppression and violence and the institutions and practices which hindered them.. Bates’ project, at its inception, was a basic website which quickly developed multiple language forums, 140 character replies on Twitter, and culminated in a paperback in 2014. Bates’ project has even been actively utilized by governments, politicians and policy-makers to improve the conditions of sexism and misogyny prevalent still in our society.

Everyday-sexism

Today, Bates is proving her project remains as relevant as ever with the trending hashtag #WhenIWas.

This new take on the Everyday Sexism Project actively requires women to look back on their own his(her)story, review their experiences, and question the lessons learned during their formative years and beyond. Like the Consciousness Raising sessions of our feminism forebearers, Bates’ new campaign motivates women to openly and unabashedly declare their wounds, their humiliations, their anger at the patriarchal imperatives encroached upon them; and the women are taking this up with reckless abandonment.

What’s more, many of the tweets currently dominating this hashtag honestly and courageously admit to experiences of emotional and sexual abuse, rape, and gender-based violence. At a time when the threat of rape and domestic abuse is of critical importance – specifically owing to the worryingly small rate of reporting to police and shortage of support services – this hashtag couldn’t be more timely or relevant.

For many of the women utilizing the #WhenIWas trend, this experiences are months, years, perhaps decades old – or, perhaps they are merely weeks, days, or hours old -, regardless, they are the truths which women have struggled with for years. They are the small humiliations of a neighbour staring at your legs which left you fearful – the threat of the figure following you down the road one night – the memory of hands touching you without consent – the loud voice declaring your sexual proclivity to the street – the feeling of complete and utter loneliness and inequity.

So, I implore all of you today and in the near future -if you don’t feel the desire to submit your own #WhenIWas confession – like, reblog, retweet and applaud the survivors and show them that loneliness and inequity are slowly (but, I hope, surely) becoming things of the past that we can one day include in the #WhenIWas trend.

 

Advertisements
advice, domestic violence, feminism, feminist, GBV, misogyny, sexism, shooting, Uncategorized, violence

Why #HerNameWasReeva is Important

Today marks a day of justice for Reeva Steenkamp. Murdered by her now infamous partner and former Olympian Oscar Pistorius in 2013, she and her family can finally attempt to find some sort of peace.

Pistorius was infamously charged with manslaughter, despite having fired four rounds into a locked bathroom door; he claimed to believe an intruder was in the room. Regardless, and as the judge rightly concluded, the intent could not have been different. Four rounds into a small, locked space.  Reeva Steenkamp had little chance.

After being released and confined in his home following only a year of his then five year sentence, Pistorius has finally been sentenced to murder by the South African Court of Appeal’s Judge Leach.

Judge Leach argued:

As a matter of common sense at the time the fatal shots were fired, the possibility of the death of the person behind the door was clearly an obvious result. And in firing not one but four shots, such a result became even more likely.

Judge Leach stated that the identity of the person behind the door was irrelevant to Pistorius’ guilt for the crime.

But the person behind the door was Reeva Steenkamp and on Twitter the hashtag #HerNameWasReeva is once again making the rounds. But what is trending is #OscarPistorius. Many times over the past two years I have heard people debate his guilt or innocence, argue the case, know his name without pause or thought. Many people do not even know his victims first name.

Today, we need to honour Reeva Steenkamp. Today, her name should be trending. Her story should be heard. Her memory honoured.

As is the case with all gender based violence, domestic violence, all abuse: the victim often goes forgotten. It is a pattern in our society to let the victim become silent.

By speaking her name we challenge that silence. We challenge the institutions and patterns which encourage and permit the continuation of gender based violence and abuse.

Today #ReevaIsHerName and tomorrow it will be another woman’s name.

Do not forget the victims.

 

 

 

abuse, domestic violence, feminism, feminist, literature, misogyny, sexism, violence, women, writer

50 Shades of Gre-garious Domestic Violence

I’ve never read the book.

I’ll own up to that much. “Fifty Shades of Grey” was never going to float my boat; I prefer my porn more consensual…

But, when the badly written smut hit the fan, I was intrigued – decent representations of female sexuality are few and far between in popular fictions – so, as any good scholar would, I did my research and, well…

tumblr_inline_nj2kzgUGKU1ryh89t tumblr_inline_nj2lc7bfTH1ryh89t tumblr_inline_nj7j6rreZ81ryh89t tumblr_inline_nj7j67tc1h1ryh89t tumblr_nj0mmeabYA1rjsbhwo1_500 tumblr_nj04xroJ8g1rjsbhwo1_500 tumblr_nj04xroJ8g1rjsbhwo3_500 tumblr_nj04xroJ8g1rjsbhwo4_500-1 tumblr_nj04xroJ8g1rjsbhwo5_500-1 tumblr_nj04xroJ8g1rjsbhwo8_500-1

I think the examples really speak from themselves; taken straight from the book, they highlight the one-sided, abusive, domineering and controlling relationship fostered between protagonist Ana and the “charming” (please note the quotation marks) Christian…

I read these samples of dialogue back when the text first hit the bestselling lists and, sick to my stomach at this violent, abusive behaviour masquerading as sexual “play” and sado-macho activities, decided that I’d give this disgrace parading as literature a miss. 50 shades simply isn’t for me… and I don’t want to go on a rant against the women who enjoyed the text or the movie – let’s face it, Twilight was pretty popular, so of course 50 Shades would and will continue to dominate the bookshelves for some time to come.

If the release date – Valentine’s Day –  didn’t tip you off, the movie experience has been dubbed the romantic experience of the year. It has experienced one of the biggest box office openings so far this year, is expected to gross billions more and is only the first installment in an eventual trilogy – or, well, being more honest quadrilogy: Hollywood’s bound to make the last book a double feature…

This all links to a continuing and disheartening trend in the dominant and controlling partner as desirable in contemporary fiction and cinema: first Edward Cullen, now the new Edward Cullen in masquerading in fanfiction as a millionaire, FORBS 500 candidate and an even worse tendency to romanticise violence against women, reducing all issues of consent and feminist milestone in the last century to meaningless trifle which will only get in the way of all the “romance” (quotation marks, remember!).

If or if not certain women or men found the movie or literary experience worthwhile and got a few shivers in the process, that’s fine. Censorship has never been my thing; too Third Reich Nazism for me and my liberal values, the important thing for me with this text is the need for awareness. The public who consume Fifty Shades should endeavour not to reproduce its messages.

As with Twilight, we need to ensure women and men are aware of the issues this book presents, the abusive behaviour depicted through a suave and powerful character, the notable and problematic lack of consent in a slave-master relationship. The romanticisation of these texts is dangerous for women, through the consumption of these texts the public relearns the abusive lessons of the past, forgoing all feminist gains, and women become sexual commodities in need of controlling and deserving a good spanking… non-consensual, of course. Through these texts women and men relearn and regurgitate a frightening culture where they are the main commodity to be taken and had.

This is what we need to ensure comes out of the 50 Shades experience:

By all means, go to the cinema, enjoy the book, reread, rewatch, climax even! But understand that this book is a fictional representation of how romantic and intimate relationships should NOT work. This text is an example of a dangerous, abusive and terrifying relationship, it is proof of how a patriarchal structure still influences our minds and the contexts of how our relationships should work.

Moreover, if you respect your partner, it is a blueprint on how NOT to treat them.

abuse, advice, domestic violence, feminism, feminist, gender, misogyny, rape, sexism, strenght, women

1 is 2 Many

Watch this minute one video in which President Obama, Vice President Biden, Daniel Craig, Benicio Del Toro, Dulé Hill, Seth Meyers and Steve Carell as they advocate an end to sexual assault.

The video, in a change from many mainstream reviews of assault and rape, places the responsibility of stopping rape on men – on the rapists and assaulters, not the victim:

 

‘If I saw it happening, I’d never blame her, I’d help her.’

and encourages people to be understanding and supportive of victims.

The video was published by the White House and includes a selection of prominent male figures, encouraging men to take responsibility for the rape epidemics all over the world.

 


 

 

In the video about, both President Obama and Vice President Joe Biden discuss the Council on Women and Girls and their joint desire to end violence against women.

President Obama says that as a government, and as a nation, we have the capacity to stop sexual assault, support those who have survived it, and bring perpetrators to justice.

Biden, who has long been an advocate for women’s protection from rape and violence, in the video states:

Freedom from sexual assault is a basic human right, no man has the right to raise a hand to a women for any reason, any reason, other than self-defense.

Furthermore, Biden encourages that women no longer be blamed for their assault; he correlates the survivors of rape and assault with those who have been robbed or attacked, and emphasises that these men and women are never asked questions such as ‘what were you wearing’, ‘did you cause this’ etc.

President Obama’s depiction of sexual assault and rape is empathetic, racial, ethnically, and sexually diverse in its understanding, and emotionally sympathetic towards survirours and their families struggles. Moreover, Obama highlights the severe self-doubt and emotional baggage associated with the aftermath of rape and how this can affect much more than just the individual:

It has to matter to all of us, because when a young girl or a young boy starts to question their self-worth after being assaulted and maybe starts withdrawing, we’re all deprived of their full potential. When a young women drops out of school after being attacked, that’s not just a loss for her, that’s a loss for our country.

What is evident here, is that President Obama is implying that the men and women who commit assault or rape damage more than just one individual life, couple, or family, but – furthermore – damage the nation in which they belong, to his great “shame.”

Vice President Biden emphasises:

No man has a right to go beyond no.

domestic violence, feminism, feminist, gender, misogyny, rape, strenght, violence, women

Violence Against Women: An EU Wide Survey

The first EU wide survey, by the European Union’s Agency for Fundamental Rights, has revealed some startling statistics regarding violence against women.

The research revealed that approximately eight per cent of Irish women experienced sexual violence since the age of 15; while the European average was 11 per cent. In terms of the Irish-based statistics, almost half (48 per cent) of Irish women experience sexual violence from a non-partner and, moreover, decided not to approach the authorities or any kind of support service afterwards. Two-thirds of these women emphasized that they did not go to authorities/support services because they felt prepared to handle the experience themselves or because the prepetrator was a friend/family member. 

Director of Rape Crisis Network Ireland Fiona Neary said:

This survey confirms that sexual violence against women and girls is pervasive and pandemic across Europe.

Yet, since 2009 funding for rape crisis frontline services has been cut by 16.5 per cent with further cuts planned for 2014. Neary continued: 

These cuts were to a sector that was already chronically under resourced and have been so unevenly distributed that in fact the centre with the lowest funding was cut by over 30%.

The visualisations below speak volumes:

atAGlance-VAW-1--Physical--sexual-and-psychological-violence-EU27-EU27-EN-740.entitled

 

Emotional response to the most serious incident of physical and/or sexual violence by a partner since the age of 15:

crossCountry-VAW-AllSubset-01--All-DVS_B01-EU27-EU27-EN-740.entitled

Experiencing any form of stalking from the age of 15:

euBars-VAW-AllSubset-01--All-DVS_D01-EN-740.entitled

 

In general, how common do think that violence against women is in your country:

crossCountry-VAW-AllSubset-01--All-DVS_H01-EU27-EU27-EN-740.entitled

Find the complete research here: http://fra.europa.eu/DVS/DVT/vaw.php

 

 

advice, domestic violence, feminism, feminist, misogyny, sexism, strenght, violence, women

Lauren Luke’s “How to Look Your Best the Morning After”

Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence.

Lauren Luke is a well-known make-up artist and entrepreneur sporting her own cosmetics brand; in this advertisement, she lends her artistic skills to depict the horrors of domestic violence for organisation Refuge.

In the short piece we see Lauren’s face close-up, worryingly bruised and battered, her aim in the video being to educate her viewers on how to cover up; however, while most cosmetic tutorials on covering up will concentrate on blemishes or blackheads, Lauren is covering up the evidence of domestic abuse. Within the less-than-two-minute video, Lauren hints at the shocking cause of her dishevelment, casually dropping in references such as a “jealous type of partner.” having a “rough time” lately, and being uses being “pushed into a coffee table” as the cause of her bruising. 

The advert finishes extremely suddenly when a sound from off-camera alerts Lauren to her “jealous type partners” return home; she hastily blacks out the webcam and is replaced with the statistic:

65% of women who suffer domestic violence keep it hidden. Don’t cover it up.

The message is clear.

 

abuse, domestic violence, feminism, feminist, misogyny, violence, women

Calling “Cut” on Domestic Violence, Keira Knightly Supports Women’s Aid

Trigger warning: Domestic Violence.

UK-based domestic abuse charity Women’s Aid depicts the shocking horror of domestic violence, performed by academy award nominee Keira Knightly. Domestic violence continues to affect both women and men worldwide, both physically and mentally. The affects are dire and catastrophic; people in abusive relationships often feel trapped, stifled and far too insecure to leave the relationship while others are physically and psychologically threatened if they attempt to do so. The results are evident with an estimated two women a week dying as a result of an abusive relationship.

The short film, chillingly, depicts Knightly playing herself – a high-profile, world renowned actor – suffering at the hands of a jealous, abusive partner. Knightly seemingly mistakes the attack for an act, and attempts to remind him that abuse and violence is not part of the script, is not what should be happening to her or any women. The film ends with the powerful dictation:

Isn’t It Time Someone Called Cut?